A year on...

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 01:47:17 +0200

I broke up with my girlfriend last year, probably the hardest thing I ever did. I know it happens all the time "you'll get over it" and "maybe it wasn't meant to be" is all I got from friends and now a year on I'm still thinking about her (oh I better mention we were together about nearly 8 years)and I just cant seem move on.

Now I think there are a few things I think are hindering my "recovery"; firstly I'm incredibly shy and get really nervous when I meet new people especially women, I always get a bad case of 'footinmouth disease'. secondly I don't really hangout with people my age much, they're always much older or much younger and thirdly (I think this may of been a contributor to our demise, but I can't be sure) I have a chronic disorder that means I get very ill and can be debilitating at times.

Now, all I want at the minute is to able to meet a nice woman who like me for who I am and not what I can give her and not think about whether my ex is okay or if...

... if she's seeing someone else. Okay thats it see, thats what bugging me the most, the fact that she is probably seeing someone. I've been replaced. She was mine and I was hers for so long and I think she's seeing someone who's better looking, smarter, funnier, taller(I'm only 5'7") and not me.

You know what triggered this I saw a picture on facebook of her at a wedding posing with this model looking guy who had his arm around. I wouldn't have thought had it not been for the "hmmmmmmm" comment left by her sister-in-law and a second picture of them in a similar pose. ARGGHHHHHHH!

What's the point? I'm losing it I know. Obsessing about my past it's just eating me up, and I can't talk to anyone about it. All my friends have either left London or have long term partners or both. I just getting lonelier. I suppose that's why I'm doing this. If I don't vent somewhere I'm gonna crack up. Well its very late and i have work in the morning. Goodnight more thoughts soon, hey hopefully by the next one I may have some good news on the lonely front.

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